When my father was diagnosed with Stage 4 lymphoma, our focus was singular: survival. Every decision, every exhausting day, was centered on getting him through treatment and keeping hope alive. Against the odds, he emerged on the other side—his body growing stronger, his cancer in remission. For a brief moment, we thought we had won. What we didn’t anticipate was that recovery would come with a different kind of battle, one we weren’t fully prepared to fight.
While my father’s physical condition improved, his cognitive function declined. At first, it was small things—forgetting appointments, struggling to find the right words. But as time passed, the signs became harder to ignore. Conversations became repetitive, his problem-solving skills weakened, and tasks that once seemed simple for him became frustrating obstacles. The man who had once handled his own affairs with ease was now struggling with confusion and memory gaps that were only getting worse.
This new reality placed an unexpected and immense strain on me and my brother. We had adjusted to being his caregivers during his illness, but this was different. The needs of a recovering cancer patient are one thing; the needs of a cognitively declining parent are another. There was no clear roadmap, no defined treatment plan, just a slow but steady loss of the father we once knew. Every decision now carried a new weight—one we had to navigate carefully and quickly.
The hardest part was the realization that he would never return to full independence. We had held onto the hope that, once cancer was behind him, he could reclaim the life he once had. Instead, we were met with the sobering truth that this next stage would require even more from us as his children. It was a shift from crisis mode to long-term caregiving, and it came with a sense of loss we hadn’t been ready to face.
As we stood at this crossroads, one thing became clear: we needed a plan, and we needed it fast. The question was, how do you prepare to take the next step when you’re still grieving the life your parent is losing?
